My Approach
Understanding individuals and their stories is my work. I use a family system's approach, which means that I understand individuals in the context of their family and through multiple generations. My therapy is structural and skill based, as well as educational. My goal is to learn everything I can about you, your past, your family, and the patterns that you have recognized in your own life. We will then use this information to conceptualize your strengths in order to move towards any changes that you would like to see.
Keeping couples together, means that families have the opportunity to mature and grow, which means that children will maintain stable, consistent, environments. Families are the corner stone of our communities and our world, so it is my goal to work to keep them operating effectively. I believe in marriage and take great joy in helping couples stay together, but when this is not possible, divorcing safely and without harming the children becomes the primary focus. Even when couples divorce, they are still a family.
My focus is to assist couples to connect, to help re-engage, to help children learn and thrive, and assist every individual I meet with finding a healthier, more joyful place in the world. To me this is the essential element of life and by sharing the knowledge I have, my hope is that my clients will grow and thrive.
Session Time:
Your first session will be 60 to 90 minutes, because a complete history and evaluation is conducted. This is standard in the therapeutic field. Weekly sessions are generally 60 minutes, but may be shortened to 45 minutes as per the client’s request.
Fee:
Sessions are billed at $125 for 30-minute sessions; $200 for 45-minute sessions; and $250 for 60-minute sessions. Family therapy is billed at $300 for 60-minute sessions. Checks, cash, and credit cards are accepted. Payment is required at the end of each session.
Parties can be provided a monthly invoice, which they can submit to their insurance company for reimbursement.
Insurance:
All insurance may be billed as out-of-network at the discretion of the therapist. Many insurance plans have a deductible that needs to be met first. Please make sure to call your insurance provider before your appointment and check how your benefits work. Any amount not covered by insurance will be the immediate responsibility of the client.
Couples Therapy
As a consumer, you have infinite options in terms of who you will see to save your marriage. I believe it is imperative that you a chose the right person for this very specific job. Unlike many of the therapists and counselors that you may interview, I do not see a broad range of client issues. I am a Couples Specialist and that is the primary work that I do.
My specialty is Couples therapy and I see between 25 and 35 couples per week. My education was specifically modeled in Marriage and Family therapy, and my residency and training was only with couples. I believe that this work is not for every counselor, nor should it be an option that counselors offer, who are not specifically trained to do it. Many times, these well-intentioned therapists do more harm to your relationship than they do help. On a weekly basis, I have numerous couples contact me who have seen other therapists for relationship counseling only to find themselves worse off than when they started. You will not find that here! Now, I cannot promise you that I can/will save your marriage, that depends on how invested both you and your partner are. Couples therapy is hard work and as I tell most couples, staying together is often more difficult than just walking away from a relationship. Although, it is often one of the most painful events a family (children) can experience.
Couple’s therapy (or relationship therapy) is a subset of relationship counseling. It normally last six months and focuses on both the “here and now,” as well as, each partner’s past and how they each have learned to love. Couples therapy is more about seemingly intractable problems with a relationship history, where emotions are the target and the agent of change. My brand of Couples therapy is quite different from most others because I believe in a skills based approach to marriage and I believe that I can teach people how to be “better” at being in a relationship. I use a variety of techniques including: Emotionally Focused Therapy, Gottman Techniques, Imago Therapy, Love Mapping, Sex Training, and Generational Genograms just to name a few. My sense is, if you are willing to work at your marriage, than you will find success in my office.
Infidelity
Infidelity is one of the most difficult and all-encompassing events a person can encounter in their life time and it is about 1/3 of the population that I see each week. You are not alone and you have come to the right place to start the healing process. Extra Marital Affairs or EMA’s, are created through secrecy and a lack of transparency in a marital relationship. No one knows how many marriages are disrupted by affairs; estimates of lifetime incidence range from 30% to 70%. Affairs are a detonation to marital trust and commitment and leave those injured to experience intense shock and devastation.
Clients often experience hypervigilance, chronic anxiety and agitation, difficulty sleeping, vivid dreams or memories, and an overall feeling of confusion. It is imperative that the partners do not make any decisions and try to minimize the “acting out” that often accompanies the discovery of an affair. Children should not be privy to these parental matters and exposing them to this can be detrimental to them in later years.
If you have recently discovered that your partner has had an affair, then you are probably in an extreme state of panic and uncertainty. This is a reasonable place to be and you will most likely feel this way for at least six months. The most important thing that you can do for yourself is find a quality Marriage and Family Therapist, who can help you navigate the hurdles that are ahead of you. Not every couple will move forward, but statistics show that about 70% of couples often do. In fact, those couples that move through an affair often find that their marriages change for the better and that their overall marital satisfaction increases after they have been through marriage counseling. I am extremely experienced with marital affairs and have helped a great deal of couples conquer the most devastating situations with grace. Please contact me today if you need help with a marital affair.
Sex Therapy
It seems like everywhere we go someone is talking about sex. Turn on the television…there it is. Your newsfeed is filled with it, and the internet is consumed by it. Yet, I find it is the subject that most couples have the hardest time dealing with in my office. Many couples will wait for five or six sessions to lapse before they reveal why they “really” came to therapy.
As an experienced couple’s therapist, I am not at all embarrassed to talk to you and/or your spouse about sex. As a matter of fact, I find this topic to be very important, interesting, and exciting. Sex is the corner stone of intimacy and a bonding element for relationships. It must be dealt with in a straight-forward, gentle, non-confrontational way. I find that once a couple is comfortable letting me in, they too find the subject matter easy and relaxed and not merely as difficult as they thought it would be.
The most important element of sex therapy is finding out what is ACTUALLY going wrong. Is it erectile dysfunction? Is it low sex drive on the part of one of the partners? Or is it that the two of you have just lost the ever elusive “spark” that so many couples talk about. First of all, none of these issues are a marriage death sentence and it is most productive if we do not paint it as such. I believe sex therapy requires a healthy dose of candor, humility, and a sense of humor. The goal is to have both partners experience a sexual script that is satisfying, loving, and respectful. If you are open to the process, sex therapy can be fun, fulfilling, and a quicker fix then many other aspects of couple’s work.
Individual Therapy
Many of us are walking through each day feeling lonely. Maybe you haven’t yet met the right partner, or perhaps you are “single-again” and are just feeling a little lost. Counseling is a great way to kick start your life in the right direction. In therapy, we can define the boundaries needed to pick the right partner and learn how to assess new mates instead of just simply “falling” into another go nowhere relationship. Therapy is a time to set goals for yourself and for what type of life you want to have. I offer individual counseling with a focus on finding a mate, as well as, offer groups in my office for “single-again” and divorce.
The most successful relationships are those where the individuals have a common value system. This means that you must know yourself very well and understand what it is that you want from life, that way you can share this with a new partner. It is also essential to understand what type of mate you are looking for and what your expectations are of a partner. This way communication can be clear and common goals can be created as a couple.
Break-Up Therapy
“Breaking up is hard to do…” a truer statement has never been said. Break-ups often come out of nowhere and leave individuals feeling depressed, uncertain, and bewildered. Many individuals feel alienated and that they no longer have control of their lives. Counseling can be a helpful way to begin to put the pieces back together in your life. Most clients find that having someone that is there to listen and offer advise feels comforting. During weekly sessions, clients have the time to mourn the loss of their relationship and begin to create a plan for how they want to move forward in their lives. Break-up therapy is once per week and can last for as little or as long as a client needs.
Family Therapy
The word FAMILY can mean different things to different people. Family members may live together, or live separately depending on the situation. Parents may be a unit or sometimes they may be separated from one another. Regardless, of how the dynamics are situated in a family unit all members need to be heard and understood in a caring, empathic way. The family therapy process includes everyone and anyone living in the home coming to therapy. The first session is a time to meet one another and outline what is causing trouble to each member and how they “see” the problem. It is essential to learn how to listen and respect each other’s opinion while creating a parental hierarchy and setting goals. Family work teaches parents how to make boundaries and create behavioral rules, as well as, understand their children’s struggles in the home environment. Working with families is some of the most rewarding work that I do because it is the family that is the key to every social structure.
Co-Parenting
Unfortunately, some relationships cannot be saved. As a matter of fact, at least 50% of marriages will not survive in the United States. This does not mean that the entire family needs to be destroyed in the process or that the lives of the children have to become a hardship. The choice to use your children as a weapon, is yours, and it is my hope that this is a decision that you decide against. Children to not want their parents to get a divorce, nor do they want to have their lives disruptive and interrupted. Using children as pawns in the battle for power is a mistake that too many separating adults make. I caution against this and its lasting effects on your children.
The goal of co-parenting therapy is to protect the children at all costs. This means moving to a more intellectualized place in the relationship with your spouse. Choosing to act with mindfulness and maturity over aggression and hostility. Many divorces begin amicably, but almost all of them become contentious as the process continues. Custody issues and financial liabilities destroy the communication and hurt feelings and resentments begin to color the interactions. These behaviors become translated to the children in the form of fighting, speaking badly about the other parent, or simply losing patience when the child is in your care. Do not become a statistic! Do not make your children pay for your relationship issues! I will teach you to navigate this very difficult time and move through it with maturity.
Most co-parenting therapy session are an hour and only last for about a month. When both partners commit to “keeping the children safe” and understand the best practices, change occurs quickly. I believe this is one of the best investments you can make for your child’s life. Children can survive divorce with few scars, if the parents keep them at the forefront of their minds and hearts.
*If parents are using this time as pre-mediation or to create a custody agreement a legal fee applies: 60-minute session $300
Millennials
One of the most difficult times in the life cycle of a family is the teenage years. Children can be unpredictable, irritable, and/or sullen. Many parents contact me in a bewildered state because they just do not know how to navigate the behavior or because they are so confused and they are looking for guidance. It is painful for parents when they feel that their children are in emotional pain.
Working with young women is one of the areas of therapy I am most passionate about! Change can be observed much more quickly than in other areas of therapy and helping girls feel a sense of empowerment and confidence can change their perspective on life. Therapy is generally weekly, with parents coming in for family work about once per month.
Reconciliation Counseling
Many families go through traumatic events at some point in their lives. Relationships break-up, children become estranged from their parents, and siblings disconnect. Although, these events can be life altering and very difficult for all parties involved, they do not have to mean the end of a family system.
Family reconciliation therapy is the quickest, most effective way to address deep rooted issues. My office provides a safe and nurturing environment, free of blame and judgement for healing to take place. Most reconciliation therapy sessions take between 5 and 10 sessions and can be the difference between eroded relationships and the promise of a healthy future relationship.
Reconciliation counseling, which may or may not be mandated by the court system is deeper, more intensive work than regular therapy. In most situations, significant notes and reporting to the court or to estranged/ divorced spouses occurs. This type of therapy normally requires a significant retainer. I do not require a retainer, but the sessions are billed at $500 per hour.
